BIPolar Myths and Cures

     Believe your own body

Just the mere mention of this word elicits fear and along with it, misunderstanding.

The stigma attached to this particular diagnosis seems so much more serious and dreaded than more “innocent” and mainstream-sounding diagnoses such as “depression”  anxiety,  manic/ depressive, and other older terms.

Often when a shocking psychological term hits the streets, everyone is talking about it and naming who they think displays these kinds of behaviors and they start even diagnosing perfect strangers just to be able to incorporate this new word and concept into their method of understanding.

Let’s roll back our memories to what was popular back in 2006 through 2013 for example.  The term “BiPolar” was not very mainstream nor often used.  And that particular diagnosis struck extreme fear in my heart or anyone who heard it.  It felt as though when you met someone who admitted that they got diagnosed as bipolar, your tendency would be to pull away from that person, avoid them, pity them, and certainly consider how very DIFFERENT that person is in contrast to you.

When a psychiatrist diagnosed me with BiPolar Disorder, I went into a kind of fetal position (emotionally) with shame and I really did not want to be in THAT category.  I had witnessed an acquaintance with this disorder both ON her medication (during which time her lovely natural personality would shine).  Then OFF her medication.  When she quit her medication, her house was turned upside down.  She would go into a rage for minimal reasons and possibly sic her dog on you.   The contrast was so very stark.  This was my introduction to a person who was afflicted with this disorder.  I just was so shocked.  Witnessing these extremes in her behavior caused me to think of her as a kind of leper and certainly, I wasn't like that!

In the past, I was just listening to authority figures such as doctors in the western medical industry truly believing they had all the answers.  Because I was suffering and I needed help, listened to their advice, took the medication, hoping for relief, help and advice.  I was desperate!

Even though I spent many years falling in and out of rage attacks, manic spending, lots of inappropriate love, and sexual indiscriminate relationships I did not recognize that I did have some extreme mood swings.  However, the prescribed medicine wasn't helping me with all of that.

I had been all out of wack for years picking up defense behaviors to make it through life, make it through college.  However, those misaligned behaviors became self-destructive and didn’t work anymore.

During these years, I had been seen by several mental health practitioners.  They treated me for depression and introduced me to some behavior modification modalities, which did work for a while, on and off.  The medicine helped at times, but it didn't straighten my mind out in a deep and consistent way.  

Many years later, I found alternative ways to deal with bipolar disease.  I have written an e-book detailing more of these methods.  It outlines, in detail, the actual steps I took to heal.  My motivation for exposing myself and become vulnerable enough to write this account of my tragic journey is to save you and your loved ones from squandering years of an otherwise happy and productive life.  My story is a true account and I desire to avert you from any more losses and embarrassment.

Let's shorten your journey to sanity, balance and wellness.  If I had read or known about anything like the protocol I will be providing, I would have saved myself a great deal of suffering and eliminated so many years wasted, as well as fortunes lost due to wrestling with this mental illness.  I suffered ignorantly from BiPolar disorder.  Ignorance is not our friend when dealing with these matters of the mind and emotions.

Let me back up to when I was hospitalized the first time for mental illness I was there for three months I threw away the lithium upon leaving the mental ward I didn't trust them because of how they tried to trick me into injecting the meds instead of taking them orally which I already was taking consensually. The nurses/ and therapists in that facility tried to convince me to do shock treatments.

Because in my delusional state,  I had convinced myself I died in a hurricane and drowned.  However, things in this facility weren’t adding up to my idea of a heavenly realm ~ and that's when I prayed to get out of there.

Once out, I proceeded to use my own willpower and (unknown at the time) and manic state and other addictive behaviors to get through college.

it worked for a while until I graduated.

Then I completely had another mental breakdown my masters program on the backburner cause I thought God was going to solve everything which God solved a lot of things but not getting my masters the bipolar disease is very tricky, confusing, and dangerous.  There have been many times I wanted to kill myself after having a manic episode and seeing the fallout from those episodes.  

My healing started with a prayer I wrote to God.  I asked to know the truth about everything.  I was just so confused and overwhelmed, I couldn't rely on my own will power anymore.  

Meditation, mind treatment, and a therapy termed: "EMDR" came into my experience after asking SOURCE for help.   Since all pharmaceutical remedies turned my physical body unfunctional, it was necessary to search and try a variety of herbal remedies.  This appproach has proven to been my Holy Grail of how to get better.  I no longer take synthetic medications of any kind.   You might think I didn't check with my psychiatrist.  Well, at first, I was hesitant, but I ended up weening myself off of the depression meds and admitting to him that I did that.  He surveyed my behavior when it came to challenges at work or with my family members.  He wanted to know how I was handling all of that.  After having a very honest response to all of his questions, to my surprise, he said, "Baji, you are really doing well, I have determined that you do not need any pharmaceutical medications.  Just keep doing what you're doing.   I have monthly calls with my psychiatrist to keep tabs on how my mind is operating and how I'm getting along with life's twists and turns.  Because I am no longer ignorant of the strength of this disease, I remain humble about the "check-ins" both with my psychiatrist and my EMDR therapist. This avoids my justifying and rationalizing bad choices.  I have a healthy respect for the imbalances that can occur inside my brain.  I, therefore, enjoy hearing the feedback from these professionals.